Sometimes I get CDs that make me want to sterilize my CD player. It doesn't happen often. But I tell you what, that CD player is mega-old, and I don't want it getting mad at me and crapping out because I dared to put something as awful as the Dollyrots in rotation. Even if it was only for a solid sixty seconds before I decided the single, "Because I'm Awesome," is the worst display of "rock" that I've been bombarded with in the past six months or so.
In fact, it was so bad that I actually had a "gentleman companion" use it to torture me when I would leave the room. He'd pop it in and press play and crank up the volume so my neighbors might think I have a shit taste in music, and just to irritate me in general. The sick sense of satisfaction that would ooze across his lips anytime I would scream, "What the f*ck are you doing? Turn that shit off!" was quite priceless.
Possibly more disturbing is that I was at Johnny's Pizza in Inman Park on Sunday night for a drinky drink, and when I emerged from breaking the seal, I heard this poison being played over the loudspeakers. I've also seen the band make an appearance on a Kohl's commercial. And, in addition, I have lost a few ounces of respect for Joan Jett upon hearing from the promo people that she personally signed this band herself to her Blackheart Records label.
With chorus lyrics like this:
I’m a leader, I’m a winner, And I’m cleaner
Cause I’m awesome
I don’t need you cause I’m neato and I beat you
Cause I’m awesome
...who needs real talent? It's genius! And if you didn't grab a biscuit to soak up my sarcasm on the way in, there's still time left.
If they're so awesome, then they might be hitting a venue that isn't Swayze's when they make it to Atlanta. Oh yeah, and they wouldn't suck. And on top of that, I wouldn't be using their CD as a coaster to help me drown my sorrows.
I'd give you a more rounded opinion about the CD, but come on kids, you read the chorus lyrics...I couldn't get past the first song.
Claire drinks the Bacardi...
I drink the beer...
And we both eat pizza.